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Movie review: Machete

September 5, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

(Click the “Watch on Youtube” link)

“Machete don’t text”.

Ok, from the start, if you are looking for a serious, romantic, or teenybopper movie to watch, this ain’t it. If you don’t mind cartoonish violence, entrails, and severed heads, then step right on in.

Machete is played by Danny Trejo, a character actor of few words. He’s joined by a cast including Robert De Niro as a crooked politician hell bent on creating an electrified border wall, Jeff Fahey as a mysterious man of bad connections, and Steven Seagal as a very bad representation of a narco. Plenty of eye candy in the casting of Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, and Lindsay Lohan. Plus some nurses with machine guns, so there’s something for everybody.

In the case of Rodriguez, she’s a badass as usual. Pretty sympathetic character, which is unusual for me to see. Even thought she could kick my ass ten ways to Sunday, I think she’s cool. Lohan doesn’t really do much other than show off her boobs, but that’ll appeal to the young horny males obviously. Alba I could have done without. What about casting Salma Hayek instead… Erik and I both agreed that that would have been much better. And I still don’t know how she managed to stay upright in the stilettos she favored in just about every scene.

Trejo isn’t really meant to be a leading man, and it’s pretty obvious in his acting. He seems nervous in some scenes, not so in others.

Watch for Cheech Marin in a cameo that’s pretty interesting. It’s always good to see Cheech.

Overall, I liked this movie. It’s a straight up Grindhouse popcorn flick with boobs, guns, and violent bloody endings for a lot of characters. Plus, it puts an interesting spin on the immigration debate from both sides. It’s pretty obvious what Robert Rodriguez’s standpoint is on immigration reform, and I’m glad that it comes through loud and clear in this film. What’s also obvious is he had fun with this one.

It’s a Texas movie with a Texas-sized cast. De Niro is hamming it up from beginning to end, and it’s cool to see him not taking himself so seriously. Seagal needs to go back and re-learn his Spanish because it sucked. Horrible accent through and through.

Rated R for a good reason. Kids shouldn’t watch this because I’d say it’s just as violent as Planet Terror. Unfortunately, I saw a mother bring her toddler into the theatre, and that’s just all sorts of wrong. But that’s a blog for another time.

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