Home > Books > ASOIAF (A Song of Ice And Fire Series) – Dark humor abounds courtesy of Dolorous Edd

ASOIAF (A Song of Ice And Fire Series) – Dark humor abounds courtesy of Dolorous Edd

One of the reasons I’ve grown to love this series of books (aside from the fact that it is the basis for the Game of Thrones television series) is the really nutty humor that abounds. If you don’t believe me, check these gems out from Dolorous Edd, a man of the Night’s Watch. These quotes are scattered throughout the books.

In praise of Dolorous Edd:

  • Tollett poked his head through the door. “Beg pardon,” he said, ignoring the flurry of feathers, “shall I fetch m’lord some breakfast?” “Corn,” cried the raven. “Corn, corn.” “Roast raven”, Jon suggested, “and half a pint of ale.” Having a steward fetch and serve for him still felt strange; not long ago, it would have been him fetching breakfast for Lord Commander Mormont. “Three corns and one roast raven,” said Dolorous Edd. “Very good, m’lord, only Hobb’s made boiled eggs, black sausage, and apples stewed with prunes. The apples stewed with prunes are excellent, except for the prunes. I won’t eat prunes myself. Well, there was one time when Hobb chopped them up with chestnuts and carrots and hid them in a hen. Never trust a cook, my lord. They’ll prune you when you least expect it.”
  • “I never win anything,” Dolorous Edd complained. “The gods always smiled on Watt, though. When the wildlings knocked him off the Bridge of Skulls, somehow he landed in a nice deep pool of water. How lucky was that, missing all those rocks?”
    • “Was it a long fall?” Grenn wanted to know. “Did landing in the pool of water save his life?”
      • “No,” said Dolorous Edd. “He was dead already, from that axe in his head. Still, it was pretty lucky, missing the rocks.”
  • “I just want to say to whoever is voting for me that I would certainly make an awful Lord Commander. But so would all these others.”
  • The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints – ‘the ground’s too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does HE get more worms than I do…'”
  • “Once they figure a way to work a dead horse, we’ll be next. Likely I’ll be the first too. ‘Edd,’ they’ll say, ‘dying’s no excuse for laying down no more, so get on up and take this spear, you’ve got first watch tonight.’ Well, I shouldn’t be so gloomy. Might be I’ll die before they work it out.”
  • “We’ll never find that one, and I’ll be blamed. Nothing ever goes missing that they don’t look at me, ever since that time I lost my horse. As if that could be helped. He was white and it was snowing, what did they expect?”
  • “Your boat’s not like to sink, I don’t think. Boats only sink when I’m aboard.”
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